Musings of an RN

So its hard for me to believe that I've been a nurse for over 2 1/2 years now. Craziness. I still remember crying all the way home after my first day of work and for the next 6 months thereafter. I don't do that anymore.....as much. :) I've taken care of thousands of patients. I've loved, I've laughed, and I've DEFINTELY cried. I wanted to share some of the experiences that have made me laugh. Some of them, you may not appreciate as much (if you are offended by the word, titty, you should probably stop reading now.) but I sure did! :)
When I worked on West 8, we had a lot of patients that were confused or going through some kind of chemical withdrawal...which makes for some pretty funny stories.

One patient (who was going through some serious alcohol withdrawals) was convinced that her IV tubing was a snake. She was so preoccupied with it, so I wrapped up the IV in a white bandage so she couldn't see it attached to her arm. Unfortunately some of the IV tubing was still visible and when she'd move her arm, she could see it out of the corner of her eye. At this point, she would dodge the snakes movements by quickly moving away from the IV tubing, which in turn would only make the IV tubing (aka the snake) move more...It was a vicious cycle.

One night I walked into to do an assessment on my patient and she had wheeled the bedside table into the bathroom and was eating dinner while sitting on the toilet.
Me: Whatcha doin?
Patient: Oh I'm just being efficient.

Again, on a night shift I went into a patient's room to hang an IV antibiotic. (at about 2:00 am) I was trying to be ever so quiet so as not to wake the sleeping patient. I turn my back to him to chart on the computer and I hear, "Baby face...you've got the cutest little baby face!" And he proceeds to sing the song.
Me: Are you singing to me? (thinking that he is confused or in some sort of sleep deprived delerium)
Patient: Of course! You have a baby face!

One time, if you had walked by LDS hospital at about 12:00 in the afternoon, you would have seen me chasing a patient running down the hill, hospital gown flying every which way....That was a rough day.

One time a patient was pulling at his heart monitor and it was making it look like his heart rhythm was doing funky things. I went to check on the patient and found the patient frantically pulling at one of the wires.
Me: Whatcha doin?
Patient: (wide eyed) I think they've sewn this thing to my titty!

My first day on my own as a new nurse I walked into my first patients room to find him reading "How to Successfully Crossdress Without Even Trying." Oh frightening. He had pink nailpolish to boot!

One time I had a patient whose heart was in a notsohot rhythm. He was in atrial fibrillation and the Doctors had done everything they could think of to get him out of it. They tried medicine both IV and oral, they tried shocking his heart twice, nothing seemed to work. One day I was doing a dressing change on this patient and he suddenly sneezed. I paid no attention to the heart monitor but kept on with my dressing change. The people watching the heart monitors call me and ask me if I'm in room 23.
Me: Yes, why?
Tele Tech: Because your patient just flipped from atrial fibrillation to normal sinus rhythm. (normal heart beat)
No freaking way! They had tried everything and all he had to do was sneeze? Craziness. Maybe they should rethink their atrial fibrillation protocol.....

I took care of a very young 92 year old man. He had a full head of white, crazy hair that stuck out every which way. He was so fun to talk to and I enjoyed taking care of him. Our conversation went something like this....
Patient: So, are you married?
Me: Heavens no! (I was very single at this point)
Patient: Do you have a beau? (fortunately my Grandma used to use this word, so I knew what it meant)
Me: No, I don't have one of those either.
Patient: What's your age limit? (thinking he had someone to set me up with)
Me: I don't know, why do you ask?
Patient: Are you still accepting applications? Then he winked at me.
Cute old man! I seem to have a way with the old men...

Those are the edited stories, there are more. I just don't want to lose friends by sharing them with the rest of the blogworld. Good times are had being a nurse. It is a very hard, rewarding, funny, laugh so hard you want to cry, cry so hard you want to laugh, job.